I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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