you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
