Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
