You smell like stripper and shame
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
