I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
