whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
