doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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