I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
