using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I need to align my fucking chakras
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
