I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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