You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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