i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
