i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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