Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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