Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
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