OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
