At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
