I cannot find my penis.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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