that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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