my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
