Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
