We're facebook friends in real life
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
