After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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