we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
