Pants 0. Shit 1.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
