If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think people are normalizing furries
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
