what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
