Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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