well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
