I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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