Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
