Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
