Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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