eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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