yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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