I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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