Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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