Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
