But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
