you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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