i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
