I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
birth control should be required to get into college
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
