He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
