Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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