Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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