what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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