He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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