This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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