ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just had sex bonerless
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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