dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
