After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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