It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
