alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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