xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
