After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
